melonbaby brain in embyro

Most of the time i'm afraid to make bad (low quality, objectively meh) things so I do the bad thing where I alltogether avoid it. Lately its been writing. I don't feel so solid in writing anymore and have been hiding from it.

mmmm avoidance behavior

Below me a hamster plush with sparkling eyes is smoking an unlit cigarette

*puff* lol

Here's a list of things I like:

• niko, baby (my shih tzu)
• reading but when everything in the exact moment I pick up the right book is just right
• when people let me ramble about the current thing I'm excited about (right now it's Issa Rae's Insecure. I really like the portrayal of friendship in girl adulthood and I think its exploration of relationships is both so perfectly funny but also suprisingly apt. I think I'd be interested thinking about it against Pen15, another show exploring girlhood and friendship. I like thinking about how comedy as a genre in both these pursuits makes room for something alltogether tender. Maybe its the way it catches you by suprise. Here we are laughing or hiding from the screen in second hand embarassment when suddenly were peering up much more seriously as the girl/woman on screen examines herself and the growing pains of girlhood and adulthood and love and friendship. <3
• drawing lately. I borrowed an anatomy book from the library. The first big chunk of pages really communicate how much the author loves their craft. The way they describe the body but not just the body, but art made out of studying said human body, as revealing the almost fantastical nature of our embodied forms. I like when you can tell someone else took up space rolling around and indulging in that thing that they like or love.


above is an image of a digital drawing I did before classes started. I've made a few other things, arguably slightly better but more unfinished since then but I don't have any other photos on my PC to reference from. We make do.

• ritas icecream: cotton candy ice and vanilla custard. I've had the same favorite/default order since I was like 7 since Papi always took me on wednesdays, his day off. Also cold treats are the best sensory treat. Nothing measures up to the way ice and cold cream coat mouth/throat on its way down. Idc if thats almost a gross descriptor. Very few other things measure up...
• cooking :) I haven't cooked much since school started since I've been so busy trying to keep up with class assignments and work but the few times I get to cook are when I'm most happy and satisfied with myself. Last week I made papaya jam for the second time after Tita NN gifted me a perfectly ripe papaya when she came up to visit. I like opening the fridge and holding both heavy recycled glass jars in my hands. I made jam homemade and it was good.